Harnessing the Power of the Pause

As a continuation of our recent reflection on the power of silence in leadership, Susan David offers a compelling follow-up that dives even deeper into what it truly means to lead with intention, restraint, and clarity in communication:

We all make the mistake of confusing our feelings for facts from time to time.

Maybe you feel that a colleague is undermining you in a meeting, so you tell yourself that they don’t respect you. Your anger rises and you lash out. Or maybe your partner brings up the family finances—something that often leads to an argument. Your anxiety spikes, so you quickly change the subject then proceed to shut down for the rest of the evening. While our emotions can be valuable data, it can be unproductive to treat them as directives we must follow.

Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist who survived a Nazi death camp and went on to write Man’s Search for Meaning, shared this sentiment:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Being emotionally agile requires us to seize that space between stimulus and response.

Think about the times when you feel most anxious and afraid. Which subjects trigger your fight or flight response? What leaves you with a lump in your throat or a pit in your stomach?

Now consider how you respond to these tough emotions. Do you try to push them out of your mind? Do you feed your anger with frustration?

Next time you encounter this trigger, rather than reacting mindlessly, try the following steps to create space:

– Pause

– Take a deep breath

– Consider what would actually allay your concerns, or at least allow you to face them

– Ask yourself: Who do I want to be in this moment?

– Ask yourself: What is the next brave step?

In the hypothetical situations above, this could mean an honest conversation with your colleague or a meeting with a financial planner. It could also mean that your body is asking you to simply slow down and allow yourself to feel the way you feel before taking any action at all.

When we create space between stimulus and response, we can reclaim our freedom to move forward in a way that is congruent with our values.

We are grateful to Susan David for her continued insight, and we encourage you to explore her work on Emotional Agility for deeper tools and frameworks.